The Day Obedience Broke Me Open
The Version of Me Nobody Saw
There are moments that divide your life into before and after. Not because of what happened to you, but because of what you chose to do while it was happening.
This is one of mine.
I was in the middle of a divorce. The kind that happens quietly, while you're at work smiling, while you're at church worshipping, while you're doing everything a strong woman does. Keeping it all together on the outside while something inside you is coming undone.
Nobody knew what was really happening.
The List That Changed Everything
I came home one day from a work trip, to find things laid out — items I had worked for, sacrificed for, cherished — with a note telling me to select what I wanted to keep. The rest would be going.
There was no conversation. Just a list. Just a decision that had already been made.
I was angry, offended, and hurt. I went through the list. Selected half of the items. Cried privately about every item I let go of. And then I held myself together, the way I always did.
The Prayer I Didn’t Want to Pray
Some time later, I was alone in the house on a Saturday.
And I heard the Lord speak to me — clearly, unmistakably — and what He said stopped me cold.
He told me to go and pray over every item I wasn't keeping. To speak blessings over them and him. To cover it all in love.
I want to be honest with you: I said no.
Not in my head — out loud!
“No. I won’t do it.”
Why did I have to be the one to do the right thing? This wasn't fair. I was the one who had been hurt. I was the one who had lost something.
But I knew — the way you always know when it's Him — that I was fighting to say no because He was right.
So I went.
What Happened While I Obeyed
I would love to tell you that I went gracefully. I didn't.
I went with tears in my eyes and anger in my heart. I started praying with judgment in my words and bitterness underneath them.
But something happened and I struggle to even tell you when it happened.
My heart began to soften.
Slowly. Then more. Then completely.
Until every word coming out of my mouth was sincere. Genuine love and blessing over things that were leaving my home.
I cried for hours. Not because I was angry anymore.
Because I finally understood what it feels like to love someone who does not love you back.
To want the best for someone who has hurt you.
To bless what is leaving — and mean it.
That place in my heart had never been opened before.
Where Transformation Really Happens
I didn’t know that was possible until obedience made it possible.
I had walked with God long enough to know His voice. But that day, I learned that knowing His voice and obeying His voice are two very different things.
And the obedience is where the transformation lives.
Not the situation.
Not the pain.
Not the loss.
The obedience.
For the Woman Holding Everything Together
I share this story because I know you.
Maybe not your exact circumstances. But I know what it feels like to be the woman who holds it together, who shows up strong, who performs well while her interior world is quietly depleted.
I know what it's like to carry grief that no one at work or church sees.
To be anointed and exhausted at the same time.
And I know what it's like to have God reach into the middle of your hardest season and ask you to do the very thing you don’t want to do.
Only to discover, on the other side of that obedience, a version of yourself you didn’t know was in there.
Heart Healing Begins With Honesty
Your heart has more capacity than you've been allowed to discover.
That’s what Heart Healing is about.
Not performance.
Not more striving.
Not pretending you're okay.
It's about walking through the rooms of your own heart — even the ones you've kept locked — and discovering what’s been waiting for you there.
If this story is also your story: the holding together, the quiet depletion, the part of you that's never been opened. A Heart Healing session is where that changes.
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